On Mammograms

Okay...so...It's my birthday. 41.

I went yesterday to get my annual checkup. No big deal. No problem. The doctor was kinda cute, but I don't think he's been shaving long. What a pup.

Anyway, he told me it's time for the mammogram. I wasn't surprised. I managed to weasel out of it last year, because I wasn't quite 40 yet, and my other doctor cut me some slack. She was cool that way, but alas, she moved away.

So...I've been thinking about this mammogram stuff, and well, the subject of boobs is just stuck in my head now. I read the emails about how uncomfortable it is to get a mammogram, but as yet I don't know from any personal experience...Something about slamming them in the freezer?? And laying down on the driveway and having someone run over them with the car?? I'm not exactly looking forward to this...Does it hurt more or less if you have big boobs?

Now as a kid, I wondered why my Momma had to bend over forward to put on her bra. I guess it was about three years ago when I discovered from personal experience why that was necessary...It's gravity, plain and simple gravity. What once perked up now stretches for the gravel.

Now it's tin foil hat time...I have a theory, and it's a doosie. Probably complete and utter B.S., but I think it's an interesting 'what if'...

Think about it. Just when we women start reaching the age of truly discovering the effects of gravity, the medical professionals decide that we have to be tested for breast cancer (I know it's not a joke, and I don't mean to offend anyone). Now couldn't they have come up with some other way of testing? I mean here's this machine that from most descriptions I've heard, eerily resembles a combination of a hydraulic press and a taffy puller. Surely, they could've come up with something a little less abusive, something that didn't aid gravity?! (Do men have to have their prized parts sqeezed and pulled painfully to oblivion to check for lumps and cancer? I don't know, but I'm guessing not)...One wonders.

But it came to me. Isn't it convenient for the plastic surgeons, that now we get pulled, stretched, and mercilessly squashed, at the time when we progressively lose our perks? Between gravity and mammograms, I guess they're doing pretty well, those fellas. Implants anyone?