Missin' Momma

I don't have much to say today, but I figured I ought to try. You know, work some of that rust off.

I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately...probably because one of my sons is making me nuts, and I have a million questions to ask her. But she's been gone a long time, and never got a chance to meet her only grandsons. On regular days, I don't think much about that, but it's been a stressful week, and it's always worse when I need parenting answers, the kind that don't come from books. You'd think after 18 years, I'd be better adjusted, but...I guess not.

I guess I can just look at the old faded pictures, willing myself to remember her voice and her humor. I have a few favorites for this purpose. There's the one where she'd donned the belly dancer/I Dream of Jeannie costume and laid herself under the Christmas tree for Dad. This one was taken long before I was born, but I still get a kick out of it. Then there's the one taken around New Year's. She and Dad were about to go out with her cousin and husband to celebrate. They had already primed themselves a bit for the occasion, and were all dressed up. It would be a fairly classy picture, except that Mom and her cousin were both jumping up and down to see whose boobs bounced higher. I don't remember who won. I just remember laughing at the silly grown-ups. There's another with Mom and Dad on their anniversary, I think it was their 25th. Again, they were getting ready to go out and celebrate. Both had that mischievous gleam in their eyes, and the easy smile at each other that comes from 25 years and four kids together. I think that might be my favorite. All the photos are from the early days, before the gas crunch, before we moved to Arkansas, before Dad got sick, and the mischief and smiles faded for all of us.

I have the photos, and I have memories. They're not enough sometimes, but they'll have to do.